An unexpected positive change of direction

Sometimes you are forced to change the direction your life is heading in, so that you can travel in the direction you were meant to.

My days used to be filled with waking up, fixing my lady’s breakfast (served in bed mind you), getting dressed, asking my 11 year old multiple times how far she is in getting ready for school, feeding dogs, washing dishes, putting make-up on a tired face, mentally making a list of what I would need for home on my way back from work, fretting about what lies in wait for me at the office, reminding myself to listen to traffic updates so I don’t get stuck anywhere etc.  And this is before even getting to the car to actively start the day!

Then I would spend the next hour doing the school run, dodging taxis, screaming at other drivers who are adamant to live out their fantasy of fast and furious on the highway and finally stopping at the office.  The next 8 hours are filled with arranging my client’s orders from their suppliers overseas and shipping them to my country at the lowest possible price using the fastest route.  (Insert major sarcasm now.)  On top of that would be the added bonus of playing weather man as well as asking God what natural disasters I can expect, because I should know everything and be prepared for it.

After all of this, the exact same scenario plays out on my way back from work with ‘peak hour traffic’ being an understatement, picking up my young lady from school, stopping at the shop if needs must and then finally home.  But, this is not the end because now there is homework to check, school bags to pack for the next day, dogs to feed and exercise, supper to make, ensuring little lady is showered, squeeze in quality time with said little lady and finally ‘sleepy time’ which even the dogs know are key words for all to go to bed so I can breath.  But this breather just does not allow for the fact that by now I am utterly exhausted and my intention of winding down reading a book or catching up on a favourite tv show is squashed by my eyelids drooping.

And then blessed sleep.  And repeat it all over again the next day.

This all changed when I found myself retrenched in March of 2018.  Retrenched means the company has let you go for various reasons.  Most is financial especially during recessions but in my case it was slightly different.  The wheel turns is all I am saying.

Now I have HALF the stress of my normal work life.  However, this has been replaced by worries of another kind.  How to find a job?  How to financially support my little household and not land up begging at the nearest intersection?  I live in South Africa and work here is few and far between.  We have a beautiful country with its own sets of challenges as we forge and build our way up as a nation.  It is a different kind of stress altogether.

You may ask yourself at this point what, and how, do I stay sane?  Honestly?  I have no ready made answer to take away all those worries and fears.  I have watched people drive past me with blank faces and far away looks in their eyes.  I have listened to the traffic reports and silently thanked God that I am not stuck in those traffic jams or protest actions.  I have used these last couple of months to enjoy my little home.  Worked in the garden.  Upped my training with my dogs.  Picking up my lady early from school and helping with homework.  Preparing supper and sitting down together enjoying the evening.  I have in a sense reconnected to what is most important in life.  Yes, money is still very high on my list of priorities.  I am VERY new to blogging.  I am VERY new to online work.  But I am excited about it.  I have the support of family.  My lady and I are healthy.  We have food in the fridge and a roof over our heads.  Yes, money will run out in little over a month or so.  I simply hold on to the belief that things will work out.  That I CAN do this!

This acceptance, attitute and mental change has not been easy.  I have found myself sitting and crying wondering what will become of us.  I have had a panic attack lasting for 3 hours.  I am constantly watching every penny I spend. It was, and some days still are, an extremely hard path to walk.

Don’t give up.  Ever.  It is cheesy and so cliché but everything happens for a reason.  I believe mine was to get me out of that toxic life and into something new.  A place where I can be creative, at ease and smiling a whole dang load more!  To open my eyes to new possibilities.  I owe it to myself and I owe it to my daughter.  She deserves to see her mom happy and in so doing, grow up knowing that nothing is impossible.  That life is there for enjoying even when you can only afford the minimum of what is out there.  Happiness can not be bought.  There is no price tag.

Be kind to yourself.  Being retrenched/fired/out of work/unemployed is not the end of the world.  It is the end of a CHAPTER.  Start writing your new chapter right now!  Whatever it is.  Keep at it even though tears are streaming down your cheeks.  You WILL find that eventually those tears disappear and your smile takes over.  Keep strong beautiful.  You can do this!

Love and blessings.

4 thoughts on “An unexpected positive change of direction

  1. Great post…I can so relate!! It’s funny how stories like this can unite people, no matter where you are (you being in SA and me being in the US). Things will settle soon enough; stay strong!

    1. Thank you for the encouraging message Janna. It has been a very tough road and getting a bit tougher right now. But I am keeping the faith that all will work out as it should. Will think of you Janna. Keep walking with your head high!

  2. Lovely blog from the heart. Keep at it! I can relate to you. My life feels like survival most of the time and not LIFE! Thank you for the words of inspiration.

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