I was listening to the radio the other day and a song popped up with the lyric ‘you ain’t nobody till you have somebody’ and immediately my hackles were raised. In my mind I was screaming ‘what??’. What exactly is the message that is sent out to the world? That you don’t matter because you don’t have a significant other? That it somehow makes you less than the rest of ‘happy couple’ humanity?
So many people out there are single by choice having run the dating mill only to wake up disillusioned with the prospect of ‘putting yourself out there’. By no means do they (and I include myself here) put their self-worth and value on whether they have a partner or not. That in itself is a hard journey and lesson to learn. Not that they don’t ultimately want a significant other, but they choose to patiently wait and only give their valuable time to people that are on the same wavelength so to speak. You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else. It sounds very cliché I admit, but in all honesty, it is the truth. You have to learn to accept and love who you are, because ultimately, any negative emotions, thoughts and experiences will be projected onto your partner and that is disaster just waiting to happen. Whether it is a couple of months or ultimately years later. Time wasted in my opinion. Not that it cannot be done mind you. However, more often than not it just simply doesn’t work out.
But (and there is always a ‘but’ isn’t there?) my thoughts turned away from partners and to children and even pets. And I said that little sentence out loud thinking of my own little madam; ‘you ain’t nobody till you have somebody’ and it took on a whole different meaning. Not sure if you would agree with me on this, but hear me out at least. Before children you were very much focused on yourself. Your wants and needs. Rather little selfish. And no, there is nothing wrong with that! Then comes children and your focus, attention and often direction in life changes completely and does a 180 turn around in a split second. All of a sudden there is somebody wholly depended on you. You go through the trials and errors that is parenthood. None of those cute little pastel coloured pics of the happy smiling mom and dad at peace with the world. Well, my experience anyway. Rather more messy hair, smelling like sour milk, dark circles under your eyes and in desperate need of a shower. As they grow older and take on their own personalities and become little people full of mischief, humour, loves, likes and dislikes you find that you yourself have changed. You find that before them you were definitely somebody, but a different somebody to who you are now. You wonder how on earth you lived your life and what you did before the kiddos and sometimes it is even hard to remember! The arms of a child encircling you with trust and love changes you from a relatively average somebody to a veritable queen/king. The love and trust in the eyes of a beloved pet as they look up to you, makes you want to take on the world! While you definitely weren’t a ‘nobody’ before them, you are most definitely somebody now! So the one little sentence that got my back up, is also the one to bring me back down to earth. While not one single person can transform you into a ‘somebody’, there are things out there that makes us all feel like we can perform miracles. Not sure if this makes sense to you. I hope it does.
Each and every one of us has that ‘something’ that changes us and makes us feel like someone; somebody important. Be it a child, career, pets, family, friends a partner. What is/was yours?
Point is friends, you are somebody. You most definitely are not a nobody! All your little pieces separately and together. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. Whether single or partnered, whether a parent or not and the list can go on and on.
The difference is the angle you look at it from and it starts with you.